i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
