You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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