Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize