Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
