Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
