I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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