Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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