Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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