at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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