either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
