you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
