i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
