Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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