I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
