So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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