I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
