its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
