i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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