Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Enjoy the penises
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
