well I can't set my house on fire every night
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
