just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
