i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
