I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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