Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
