His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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