i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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