Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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