i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
