You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
