I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
