I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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