Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have feelings that need drinking.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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