you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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