Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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