Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
