So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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