I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
