he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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