So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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