sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
