I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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