Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
