girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
