Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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