using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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