I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
