Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
