Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
