It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
