dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
