so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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