Don't you send me to vm
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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