of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
