I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
