I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
