I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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