I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
