is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
