I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
