If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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