Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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