my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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