Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
