names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
