Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize