just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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