in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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